One of those gloomy days 

There are times when I crave to yell at the top of my voice, screech out what's disturbing my peace of mind, and call out the names of people I miss, so that they can hear me, just for once. But I end up being silent, absolutely silent in the open. Tight-lipped, not a twitch of the tongue, not a sound. 

I'm aware that this is a narcissist's way of deadly with troubles and brushing the problems under the carpet. I am hurting myself and others. I agree that I am hurting myself. There is a big vacuum inside me now, where I am alone. Sometimes when I look around, there is so much darkness that not even the brightest sun can help. But when you stay in the dark for a long time, your eyes get accustomed to the lack of light. I can feel it; my anger and discontent, yet I can't show it to the world around me. 

I am not hurting people. I'm saving them the trouble of worrying about me at any time, as if they cared. Tears flow and dry themselves, as there isn't a single soul to reach out for a shoulder to cry. Being self-reliant doesn't mean sobbing in your own hands, or does it?