One of those gloomy days 

There are times when I crave to yell at the top of my voice, screech out what's disturbing my peace of mind, and call out the names of people I miss, so that they can hear me, just for once. But I end up being silent, absolutely silent in the open. Tight-lipped, not a twitch of the tongue, not a sound. 

I'm aware that this is a narcissist's way of deadly with troubles and brushing the problems under the carpet. I am hurting myself and others. I agree that I am hurting myself. There is a big vacuum inside me now, where I am alone. Sometimes when I look around, there is so much darkness that not even the brightest sun can help. But when you stay in the dark for a long time, your eyes get accustomed to the lack of light. I can feel it; my anger and discontent, yet I can't show it to the world around me. 

I am not hurting people. I'm saving them the trouble of worrying about me at any time, as if they cared. Tears flow and dry themselves, as there isn't a single soul to reach out for a shoulder to cry. Being self-reliant doesn't mean sobbing in your own hands, or does it? 

Workaholics

Addiction is bad in life, as it is rightfully said - too much of anything is bad. People can identify easily addiction as the affinity to things like tobacco, alcohol or drugs as addictive things but the list doesn't end here. Too much of Shopping causes shopaholic behaviour and too much work makes you a workaholic. Well, whats wrong with being a workaholic? You are working and it pays off well. But is money and work satisfaction all that we need?

         Man has been and is a social animal who developed language and communication to express himself to others in order  to sustain a clan which he calls his family and a community which he calls his friends. When we are kids we all want to make lot of friends and please people in our family. As we reach our teens, the effect of family is replaced by the peers and friends and this continues till a later stage for many. We all like to be popular and loved but for many of us the rat race for money and fame becomes more important. 

      Some people work for 8 hours , some for 10 hours and some people work endlessly 24X7.

These endlessly working people are the workaholics who really don't know how to bridge a line between when to stop working. Its not that they don't know there is a problem. But they fail to sustain their focus on the solutions. Sermon a workaholic on the disadvantages on health and society and what you end up getting is a bored look and a big silence . The sermon goes the same way as water goes on a duck's back . 

        Health is the biggest sufferer and so is the peace of mind. There are thousand of things said that would be and should be done but then work does something magical and they are put off for another time. These people appreciate the efforts of others to forgive their busy behavior and schedules but then its good to forgive once or may be twice not multiple times. 

       No medication available till this date for the treatment of a workaholic but I am sure there would be many midst us who need to sit down and think once in a while... they need to stop some times or else  the loneliness and the bad health  will take up their toll.

Reflective mood

Stillness sprawling outside ;
 turbulent thoughts inside .
There are unanswered questions 
and many answers ready in advance .
I find myself unsure
 if my thoughts are in the right direction 
 or am i making a mistake ????
I am not even sure if I would ever find answers to all my questions 
or if i would be able to have questions to go with the framed answers ,
and at times
 in this turmoil 
I find a silent phase 
when I'm numb without a cause ,
no thoughts, no questions, no worries .
I wish this numbness prevails for long .... 

so that my mind can get some well deserved  rest.

Blossoms in the garden

Relations keep blooming in the garden of our life
Some blossom like the buds of roses-
requiring a lot of input and care ,
their presence promises a future.
some relations are always there like the wild flowers
blooming and fading away of them is not felt worthy even of a notice
but our life is a combination of these many small and big relations
some bringing smile
some making us cry after a smile
some not even making an impression
whenever we look back with wrinkles on the face and loads of time at our disposal
Each relation makes a difference
but thats the end when nothing can be changed or improved
and all we are left with is memories and loads of them .......

Beauty get Admired

Another busy day and the usual hussle bustle marked its beginning . Rashmi and Raj both were on the way to their work . Raj worked as the head of marketing in an MNC while Rashmi was a professor . Both had busy schedules and work limits . Rashmi loved to go to her college in the public transport which was a matter of dispute between the two of them . Raj wanted her to learn to drive so that she could commute freely herself while she insisted on going' the easy way '
as she use to call it . After weeks and months of dispute they have left this issue unresolved as it is .... for furthur discussion later on.Rashmi went to her station and waited for the metro in the ladies line. She picked up her mobile and messaged " am at the station ........ waiting for the train ..... remembering the time when we waited together .. miss u ". She pressed the sent button and smiled to herself ... sure that the same smile would float at the reciever's end . She looked around the crowd to pass the time. There was something which made her uneasy and she didnt know what . An announcement made the crowd alert and the train approached the station . Rashmi finally boarded the train and settled in corner with a novel she was reading last night . Raj didnt like her habit of reading in the bed .... he wanted to be the centre of her attention always and she loved it.... but reading was something she liked but she did set her priorities in order .
Raj , on the other hand , was driving when his blackberry beeped . He picked it up at the next traffic light and smiled while reading the message . He loved recieving her messages but hated to message her , he preferred calling her.... voice contact made it more lively according to him . Once he reached his office , he got busy with his work as usual and forgot to call her . They had made a pact that they would inform each other of their arrival to the work place whichever way was comfortable for them . Rashmi got irritated when he didnt inform but then it was a habit now . By afternoon Raj got a bit of time to relax and he called out for his coffee and then he recalled......... Shit ... again he missed to call her .... no worries ... he would call now ... he dialled her number ready for a scolding ...
The Phone rang and rang ...... He thought she might be in class so didnt try again . Another hour went still no call got picked up ... now this got Raj a little worried . She was very perticular to call back her missed calls ,so what happened..? After 5 missed calls the phone was picked up and Raj started out rather angrily," Why did u pick up the fone so late ?" " Raj, Its me , meeta ...Rashmi just met with a small accident and is sleeping "
This news was enough for Raj to panic ... " Accident? Where are you both ? " " We are at your home. She had low Bp and fainted while she was deboarding the train ." " Right , I would be there in 15 minutes ", said Raj rather hurriedly. He called his subordinate that he is leaving for home and within 15 min he was at home . " How is she now ?" he asked as soon as he entered the house . Meeta , Rashmi's collague and friend , smiled and said ," she is ok now . Sleeping under sedation a few stitches and mayb few bruises here and there " Raj still looked worried , went inside to see her .She looked like a bruised angel with bandage on her forehead and a few bruises were visible on the face .Raj whispered," Why do u keep avoiding your Bp .. see what has happened?" He told Meeta that she could go home now that he was there.Meeta left him alone with her and told him to call whenever he required help.
In the evening, Rashmi came back to the world and saw him there.... and then she realised what had happened . She could feel pain in her body but she smiled. Her smile was warmly reciprocated and Raj could feel his tension easing a bit . "How are you , Darling ?' " I am fine " she tried to sit up . Raj stopped smiling and said ," You werent well in the morning ?"
" No, I was ok. I dnt knw how it happened ..." she tried to explain. " No. You keep on having this very irritating habit of ignoring yourself . You won't eat on time , just keep doing things for everyone.. You are fine I can see that clearly" Rashmi was in tears and she kept silent . Raj felt this was not ok.. he came close to her and hugged her . " You got me worried . I Love You . " Rashmi hugged him " I am sorry . i know you were worried . i promise to be more careful nexttime" Raj smiled at her and kissed her on the lips..." My Heroine looks pretty even with the bandage and bruises" Rashmi smiled back " as long as The Hero is there to admire her."

Incentive from the Boss

‘Raj, I need you home by 7 tonight. We need to go to the market. Its Tanya’s birthday and we haven’t bought a gift either. Hope you can recall who Tanya is?’ Raj looked up from his presentation and said, “of course, your friend’s daughter” Rashmi stood there and frowned… with her hands on her waist with an awful expression she said,’ Your niece …Tanu= Tanya’

Raj made a grin… I knew there was something wrong when I answered…. Rashmi held his blackberry infront of him.. Now that you know who it is … would you like to make a call to wish your favourite niece. Ofcourse , sweetheart . Gimme a min. Raj made a call to his niece and had a nice talk with her… Knowing that Raj usually does not remember birthdays. Tanya was elated for being wished so early.

After he finished his call, Raj looked around for Rashmi. She was sorting clothes in the wardrobe. He slipped arms around her waist and hugged her. ‘I Love You ‘, he whispered into her ears. She smiled “So boss, when do I get an incentive for my good memory?’ She said with a smile. “You got the incentive just now na… don’t be so greedy.” Raj said. She turned around and said .

“Ok “Raj pulled her close and kissed her fully on her lips. His hands ran through her hair and she held him close. He took her his arms and carried her to the bed. He lowered her carefully like a baby and lowered himself next to her . she smiled and pulled him close…. “so am I on for the incentive ?” He didn’t say a word and just pulled her close and kissed her deeply. They just forgot the world around and went on exploring each other in detail.

Rashmi smiled to see him dozing off after a long spell of their love making.

Goodie goodie Sunday

Raj tossed in the bed, hugged Rashmi and said to her ," I am glad you are taking a day off today to be with me in the bed." He knew by experience that she was up by that time and it was rarely she skipped work ( he was actually proud of her dedication ).She Smiled and without opening her eyes replied " Jaanemaan, i am on a paid leave today to be with you " Raj was puzzled ," when did you actually start getting that ?" She kissed him and said," sunday !"

He pulled her close and said , " Why didn't i remember? i woke up so early on a Sunday." She smiled and said " Aha, as if my lord wakes up with the fall of the dawn and the chirp of the bird every other day ..."hmm m, well I wait for the alarm to go off n then when you get up i can have the whole bed to sleep on," replied Raj . " You mean i take the whole bed and you don't get space to sleep properly .... that's really rude " Rashmi said and turned the side. He pulled her close and said," You never see through the joke.... i wake up each day cos i miss you being there. Your warmth in the vicinity makes this a place to sleep in peace otherwise its just a normal bed ." She just squirmed a bit..dint say a word.He hugged her more tightly and she said ," You mean this ?" He made her to turn to her side," of course i do . " Like a little baby she smiled an said ," I love you ." He Kissed her and said ,"I love you too, but you for sure take a lot of space on the bed ". " OK, from now on , i would sleep on you , you can enjoy the whole bed ", she said. " Ya , that's a great idea . let's practice from now on.", he said pulling her over himself . He kissed her and they started making up for the time lost in fight . It was a Sunday when there were no deadlines and schedules, just a day to be together,....the kisses were getting deeper and the hands were rolling all over , excitement oozing from every pore and heat rising like the rise of the high tide in the sea. when finally the high tide passed and the peaceful calmness returned ,he kissed her neck and said ," Jaan , can i get a cup of tea now?" She smiled and said ," I was just waiting for the request to come from you. i am making the tea but u have to get out of the bed and only then its coming your way ... i dnt want you to sleep off in your BIG bed once i am out of here." He smiled and said ," we will have the tea together and i am not dozing off without you."

After freshening up when Rashmi came out of the bathroom , she couldn't supress her smile because Raj couldn't

hold on to his words and was fast asleep . She just tiptoed out for she knew that it was impossible to drag him out of the bed on a Sunday .